this fat mellow chick just put my spine out of place

currents

currently i am:
drinking arizona green tea
watching jackass:the movie
sitting on my bed
pleased

currently i feel:
content
torn
dissappointed
disgusted

currently i wish:
i had more truthful people in my life
it wasn't so cold outside
my hair wasn't so limp

i stayed in wednesday and thursday night and it was kind of freaky. i took pictures. i am a contortionist.

oooh california in the summer ooooh and my hair is growing long

why oh why am i up at 9am??

cupid's got me in a chokehold

mind constapation

today my family and i headed into the city to see the bodies exhibit. i thought i would have loved it but honestly it freaked me out. i didn't like seeing human bodies dissected and mutilated the way they were. i got an uneasy feeling from seeing fetus' and cancerous lungs, breasts, and brains. i felt nauseous at the sight of my bones on parade. i learned a lot though. i learned that my dad is interested in more than just getting the job done and making money to support three teenagers. i learned that i have 0 tolerance for preserved penises. gross+++. after the bodies my family and i went to (the real) Ray's Pizza. soooo amazing. best pizzai have ever tasted in my life, it was a huge slice too, but so worth it. after that it kind of went downhill... my dad took us to one of the 10 american apparel locations, this one in Soho. i bought one of their polyblend t-shirts...it was $18. i feel/felt so guilty. i got ripped for it later in the car and i got so angry that my dad was lecturing me about how i can't manage money that i threw the shirt in the bag at the steering wheel. it felt so tainted i didn't even want to look at it. but i'm wearing it right now and i am not going to lie, i really love it. it's so comfortable and to me , it was worth $18, but i can't support this little habit. i need another job. i need to start making lists. i need to list what i need to do before summer, what i need to do before senior year 07, what i need to do before college. what i need to do to produce and A+ me, what i need to do to feel better. i wish i could control the weather. i'm going to make earl gray tea and hit the sack early, i think i deserve it.

yslf g fk

i need a breath of fresh air gd fucking damnit tomorrow is going to be beautiful im going to be beautiful beautiful mind breeds beautiful heart girls kiss girls what the fuck who cares summah summah summertime 66 fuck fuck fuck dont judge lets hug bursting flaming spewing emotion i wanna scream i wanna cry i wanna laugh lets cuddle lets hug lets spoon oo baby baby sluts prevail over girls with good morals what a fucking shame put underwear on whore wanna be you wanna be on you wanna rip your throat out leave me the fuck alone who the fuck are you who the fuck am i

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahahahhahahahahahahahahhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahahahahahhaahhahaahhahahahahaahahahhaahahhahaahahahhaahhahahahahaahahhaahahahahahhaahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahhahahahahaahhahahahahahahahaha
deja fucking vu

bugs all over the fucking room

it's so hard to care when all you do is get shit on. i'm in such a crappy mood all i want to do is run outside in the rain and scream my head off. it's not fair, i'm trying to change and no matter what i still don't feel like a whole person. i try to shove it away but truthfully, i'm not enjoying myself. i feel ignored and disreguarded, i feel like i don't matter and i don't know what to do to change that. i've been so afraid of losing my loved ones for so long but maybe it's time for a bigger change, more than just attitude. there is only so many times you can leave your self vulnerable, get hurt, and jump back up. i think my time has come. it's time for gina and no one else. i can't know myself unless i'm out there looking for her. the quest is to find me, if only i had a map

i've got more important things to do than spend my time goin' on with you

Spring Cleaning

Spring starts tomorrow night at 8:07pm and i plan on doing some major spring cleaning before summer (june 21) i made a list today in english so i could remember

1. clean room
2. clean house
3. clean self
4. clean out computer(s)
5. clean out mind
6. clean slate

today i tried exchanging the same exact dress except in a smaller size at forever21 and i knew in the back of my mind that they would give me a hard time due to their sucky return policy so i tried telling myself to stay calm and not get angry but sure enough they tried screwing me over and i almost cursed the associate out >:O i was so frustrated and now i have a dress that falls off. fuck

it's so weird how people become inspirational and how some people who were once and inspiration become the opposite. i wish certain people didn't change and other made a life change. whatever, can't control people.

as vain as it sounds my hair has been on my mind lately, haha. i kind of want to dye it blonde but iiiiii really don't know. i'm definitly getting my bangs cut though they are getting really damn annoying. i just hope i can deal with the up keep.

gina said she probably wants to go to SVA in manhattan for college next year which ROCKS because then she won't be all the way in savannah and i can see her on weekends!! i am so stoked that i won't be all alone next year. kinda sucks when all your friends are seniors but hey, they drive me everywhere and laugh at my jokesi really can't beg for too much.

i really should be exercising right now, i need to work out more!!!

we haven't had dat spirit here since, nine-teen-sixty-niiiine

afternoon has got to be the best time for a mocha fix. mmmmm especially a caramel mocha.
my love affair with coffee has grown into a sultry romance novel-esque obsession. hello, caffinaholics anonymus. my name is gina and i have a delicious problem!

as i look at my place setting at this very moment i smile. the sun is shining through the slider doors in my kitchen as i type type type away on my angel of a white laptop, blessing of a mocha to my left (implied) my little cujos laying down as if they didn't sink their little jaws of death into my knee cap only 2 hours before. gilmore girls is humming on the television even though i am in no way paying any sort of attention to it other than background noise. it's a sight from book, really.

it's times like these when i miss california. it pains me that i cannot and do not live on venice beach in this same prediciment. coffee, computer, canines, calm. well to be honest the only thing missing in my reality of afternoon harmony is warmth. and palm trees. i love new york, really i do, but december is the only month i will willingly accept frigid air and snow (unless it's getting me out of school) without throwing a silent hissy fit.

alas my mocha comes to a heart wrenching end. the feeling of which signals it's time for homework. peace bros